New Year’s Resolution #1: Break our existing Alaskan record for blazing fast speed in the hallowed beer mile.
#2: Do so in the customary garb we associate with the pending Sochi Olympics (celebrate the pageantry without celebrating that whole vaguely fascistic intolerance thing).
#3: Adhere to this strict set of rules:
1. All participants must drink one full beer before starting, at the 1/4 mile mark, at the 1/2 mile mark & at the 3/4 mile mark.
2. All participants must imbibe said beer out of an aluminum can unadorned with such features as big gulp tops or the like.
3. All beer must be at least 5% ABV. PBR counts, just for reference.
4. All participants must provide their own beer. Bring a six-pack.
5. This will be a timed event. We have to get on the official books here.
6. If a participant vomits, he or she must run an extra 1/4 mile.
7. All beer must be consumed in full in a ten meter transition zone (5 meters on either side of the 1/4 mile marks). Participants can’t begin drinking until in the transition zone, nor can they begin running until they have finished their beer.
8. No shotgunning or other forms of can tampering.
9. Witnesses are welcome, but your names can’t be entered into the tomes for one night’s posterity.
Remember, in running the beer mile we harriers join in with another venerable tradition. Results will be submitted to the official beer mile record keepers.
Where: Meet at Reacharound Lindeman’s, A to B ending at Ranchdick McKinley & Glistening Shit Stick’s (meaning meet on Menkent for prayer, end with pizza at the end of Denebola)
When: 7:30, Friday, January 3, 2014
Why: It is a moral imperative. Plus, can you think of a better way to welcome in the new year? No. No, you can’t.